Finally a Vacation!

I have been working so much, and hardly ever using any vacation time, and so now I have about 77 hours of vacation time available to me. My bff is coming from Seattle to visit, and I'm taking 5 days off, then the office gave me a "day off" right after those days. I'm super lucky! I am so happy to be just a few days away from hanging out with my bff. We are having our 3rd annual bbq this Saturday, Luau themed. I'm sure I'll be posting some pics of that! We (I) have gone nuts getting all the decor for the party. The last two bbq's we've done have had no decorations, but this, being a luau, just HAS to have as much as possible! I designed a "tiki hut" and Jeff built it. It is BEAUTIFUL! It is just how I wanted it. Then, i added cloth top, grass skirt, grass fringe on the top, and lights all over it. When the dollar stores started coming out with their summer stuff, I was in heaven. I got several lanterns, and lights. Just after Christmas, I got tons of Christmas lights on sale... 75% off. It was amazing! When she gets here, we are going to stay up late talking, painting nails, and just enjoy the time we get to spend together. I am so lucky to have the amazing friends in my life, and our relationship is one of the best I have ever had. We live worlds apart, but talk 1-3 times a day. Thank goodness for free mobile to mobile calls, and facebook! So, the few days we'll spend in each others company will be some of the best days of this year so far. Don't get me wrong, I love all my friends! I am so lucky to have them all, but when I get to see them on a weekly basis, I seem to not appreciate it as much. I have some amazing people in my life, and this weekend, most of them will be at my house! I can't wait to start taking pictures, then I'll share them with you!!!

TTC update...
I took the O tests, but they were all negative. I haven't even taken a prego test, because I don't think I am, I don't want to waste the money on the test, and I don't want to be broken hearted again. I haven't called the Dr. and tell him all this stuff either. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders when I have to take these stupid meds. If God wants me to get prego, he'll do it himself, and I won't need meds. I just wanna quit. Seriously. I didn't even tell Jeff that I haven't taken a prego test, or called the Dr, or any of that, but... he hasn't asked either. I finally did tell him when someone asked about it, and he was standing right next to me. I hate how it is all up to me. I feel like I can't just give up or quit, because I have family who wants us to have kids so badly, then they make me feel bad for wanting to give up. I'm sorry. I don't have the money to skip all these first steps and go straight for IVF, and all that crazy stuff. I just might be one of those women who never do have children... or maybe not. Who knows? Only God knows. I (sometimes) feel like I am not a real woman because I can't get pregnant. I feel like I am letting my husband down, and all of our family down. I just wish sometimes I can just settle with having dogs as kids. It's working for me right now... :) I pray with all my heart to take the desire for children away. Then it wouldn't hurt so bad. Seriously, this Fertility crap is getting on my last nerves. I didn't ask for this, but no one ever does. I didn't ask to be overweight either. But I think that somehow is linked to my fertility issues.

That was just going to be a TTC update, but turned into a rant. I'm sorry..... but I feel a little better now.