Update...

I just wanted to let you know that the meds I was one for a month worked, then I started taking Clomid. (to get me to ovulate) So far, every O test has been negative. The Dr. wants us to try three rounds of this, and this was only our 2nd round. After the third round, I'll go back to the Dr. to find out what our next step is.

Prayer Request!

I wanted to get online and update about me tonight, but then I heard some horrible news. My friend from High School and her Husband (Larry and Alicia Cunningham) lost their 18 month old baby girl today. I don't know many details, but this is their third and youngest daughter. Please pray for them and their families. I don't have to explain how horrible this is to you, so please keep them in your prayers.

(as for me, I'll update later.)

Easter and a Poem

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter! Mine was very interesting. I was going to have to be working this morning, but then both of the ladies I work with were going home to be with their families. It was 10pm last night when I got off work, and I hadn't heard of anywhere else they wanted to put me. So, I started making plans with my husband and his family. Then, at midnight, I got a call from the On-call phone telling me they had just had a call off and needed me to work this morning at 8am. I have never missed an Easter service... ever! I actually had to work this morning. I was so bummed. Good news is that I did get off early. I got off at 12:30pm, and made it just in time to have Easter dinner with the in-laws. It was a nice rest of the day. When I did arrive to the in-laws, I saw my handsome hubby there, in a tux! He thought he would surprise me by dressing up extra nice. I sure felt underdresssed with my blue and lime top, and a jean skirt. He looked so nice, and it just made my day. I love him!

I found this poem tonight, and I just had to post it. It explains just about exactly what I feel most of the time. Life is not fair!


When do I stop?
When do I stop?
When do I realize it's enough?
Why does it have to be me who has it so tough?
There are many out there who are evil and cruel.
Yet do You burden them with an infertility curse?
A 16 year old delivers a healthy baby boy then throws him in the garbage like some old broken toy.
A drug addict has 3 beautiful little ones and beats them black and blue for nothing they have done.
A worn-out woman with already more than she can bear sighs dissapointedly when she sees two lines are there.
God give me one, just one to cherish all my days And I promise that to You I'll give all glory, credit and praise.
Make it stop this intense longing and fear.
Please give me a child that I can hold near!

Author of this Infertility Poetry Shelley Cross

I have started the last week of my medications, then I'll just be waiting for my cycle. After that I'll start Clomid to induce ovulation. (fingers crossed)

We're PREGNANT!

Well, ok, so this is and April Fools...
The Story goes like this...
Seven years ago, Jeff and I pranked his parents by walking into their living room and saying we were dating. We were holding hands and then we said April Fools, and dropped hands. Jeffs father didn't think it was too funny because he just knew that I didn't want it to be April Fools. (He was right) We just kept being best friends, until... 21st of April, we actually did start to date. It's kinda a joke in the family that we have to be carefull what we prank on April Fools. So, I'm just trying to use this as a way to get pregnant! LOL! So, if I actually prank people about it, then maybe by the 21st, i'll actually be pregnant! LOL It's far out there, but hey, don't judge me! LOL! I'm still taking my medications, and will let you know when if they have done their job, and when I start Clomid. I don't want to get too much into detail and bore everyone with infertility junk, so I'll just give out the basics. Have a wonderful and safe April Fools. (Please pray for us that we do get pregnant this round.)

My First Blog

I have decided to begin this blog because I've been reading other blogs, and think it is a great way to keep everyone up to date. I once was a Xanga blogger, but then Xanga changed so much, I didn't like the site anymore. I didn't really blog about important things, just basically whatever was on my mind at the moment. I would say, a longer version of "updating my status". I want to make this a more personal blog. A blog to let family and friends know where Jeff and I are in the Battle of Infertility.
This is my first blog on this site, and I haven't quite figured everything out, so bare with me, as I attempt this. I am going to try to tell the story up until this point.

Jeff and I got married July 2, 2005 in Galveston. I wanted to start our family right away, but Jeff didn't quite agree. Since we got married, we neither tried for a family nor prevented either. Just, whatever happened would happen. Jeff and I have been married 3 1/2 years, and we still do not have any children. I knew something was wrong and didn't think it would be easy for me to conceive long before we got married. I haven't had a monthly cycle since 2002. That would be a blessing for most women, and I have been quite lucky, but I knew it wasn't normal, and I was right. My blood tests came back with "abnormally high testosterone" and my sugar levels were "border line diabetic". I also had ultra sounds done, and there were many little cysts on my ovaries. I was told I had PCOS. (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) It's all still so confusing to me. Basically, I don't have a monthly cycle, I have cysts all over my ovaries, and my hormones are out of wack. I was on a diabetic medication that had something to do with hormones, and was known to help women with PCOS conceive. That medication did not do so well with my system, and I asked to be taken off of it. My Dr. put me on a medication that was to induce a cycle, and after two rounds of meds, and no positive results, I asked the Dr. if she could maybe double the dose. She tried that twice, and I still had no positive results. My Dr. then referred me to a Fertility specialist. That's when my fears became reality. I visited a Dr. down in Carmel, and he has put me on a medication to also induce a cycle. This time, after a month of Medication, and doubling up on the meds, It finally worked. It was light, and hardly even there, but I counted it! The Dr. put me on Clomid. A med to induce ovulation, and recommended I get an ovulation predictor kit to find my ovulating days. I took the tests, and had all negative results. I just started month 2 of the meds to induce another cycle, and then I will take Clomid again. I hope this time I will have a positive ovulation. I'll update you on how that goes.

I never knew how hard it would be to get pregnant. When everyone was asked what do you want to be when you grow up, I wanted to be two things, a Vet, and a Mommy. I actually, would rather be the stay at home Mom, and I always saw myself having four kids. I still remember the first time I heard of someone not being able to get pregnant. I was a young girl, and it was a couple in our church. My heart hurt for her. I didn't fully understand everything, but I did know they were married, and that's just was married people do, they have babies. I knew she wanted kids of her own so badly. I even remember thinking how awful that would be to not be able to get pregnant, and I never thought it would happen to me. Now, as a grown woman dealing with infertility, I understand a little more of what she went through. My heart hurts that I can't give my husband, an only Son, any children. Not at this moment anyway. What hurts my heart the most is seeing other women/girls having children who don't even need or want them. Women who aren't married, and didn't plan on getting pregnant. "Oops, I didn't mean to" or "it's not like I was trying" are about the worse things they can say. On the other hand, my heart is full of Joy for the women who are married, and who have jobs, and who will love their baby more than anything else. I am not so fragile that I can't handle the news of a woman being pregnant. I am more than happy for most women, and I don't want anyone to feel like they can't talk to me about finding out someone is pregnant, or think they will hurt my feelings talking about their pregnancy. At this moment I can name off 14 women who have either just had a baby, or are pregnant, and I am full of Joy for 12 of them. (lol)

I hope I have made a few things clear in this blog, and I don't mean to offend anyone. This is my life, and I am sharing it with you.

I have to keep telling myself two things...
God will not give me anything I cannot handle.
...and...
It is what it is, It is not what it seems, God has a plan.