No motivation

I have no motivation, and that is NOT a good thing! my life has been crazy busy since July.

Here I sit... Watching Prime Time T.V. with my laptop in front of my face, and I can't find motivation. I guess I can tell you what I've been doing.

I've been going to Grandmas every other weekend, and on the weekends between, I've been just as busy. Camping with the in-laws, going to get out photos taken, more camping... a baby shower is coming up and then somewhere in there I want to have a scentsy party.

Also, I've decided to challenge myself. You've all heard of the drama with the U.S. Post Office. Basically, they are taking funding away. I don't know everything about it, but I think it has something to do with technology. People pay bills online and people communicate with technology. Like I said, I don't know much about it. So anyway... I challenged myself to write 1 letter a week to a friend. To help 'dust out the cobwebs' in their mail box. (like my SIL would say) Jeff even picked my first victim. LOL

So, that is about as much blogging as I can focus on today.

Our New Hamster Mobile

Jeff and I have had SO much trouble with our car since January 2011. The car has been in and out of the 'car hospital' about 3 times, costing us an arm and a leg, on top of our monthly car payments. No thank you! I was so over our car. On the way to work one Friday morning, I was about 3.5 miles away from home when our car just broke down. I was right next to Northwestern H.S. when I guess the Timing Belt broke. Long story short, had to tow in the car, and literally 9 WEEKS and 3 auto shops later, we got our car back... JUST to have the AC quit working the VERY NEXT DAY! I was livid! This is what I believe to be one of the hottest summers I've lived through, and we've not had AC for the 9 weeks our car was in the shop, then what would you know... The AC quits working the very next day it comes out of the shop.

Jeff and I decided to start shopping around for a new car. I was so upset with our car that I told her (yes, my car is a her) that we are trading her in for a younger, more attractive model. She was being replaced. My dream car (or SUV rather) is an orange Honda Element... You know, that burnt orange color. I just think it looks great, unique, and just my style. Well, my hubby was not on the same page as me. I do understand that they cost more than we could really afford, so, we kept looking. One thing that is unique AND we could both agree on is a Kia Soul. The next thing to do is pick a color we both like. That was easier than I thought. Jeff thought I would want an orange, since that's what I want my Element to be, but when I saw an orange Soul, I didn't really like it as well. I told Jeff I actually like the green color better, or better known as "alien". Ok, that's what we want. I ended up going down to my Grandmas house, so Jeff got to test drive a Soul without me. Oh well. Jeff told them what we wanted, and put down a deposit. The next step is the longest. Waiting. We waited. 3 weeks we waited for our Alien Soul to arrive. FINALLY we got word that OUR Alien Soul is waiting on us in Lafayette. Friday night was the first time we were both able to go to Lafayette and pick it up. I was not sad to drop off the Altima . I was more than happy to drive up and see them shinning up our Soul. But wait, more waiting! We still had to sign papers, and the guy we were waiting on was already with another customer. Oh but that would be too easy right? Then, the computer system went down. We had to wait for that to come back up. (this is when I was able to test drive it) FINALLY we were able to sign papers and drive it home. I can not believe we have a new car! We are have already made rules. #1 NO smoking (we don't smoke, so this rule is for any family/friends who ride in it) #1 NO eating or drinking (for now) and #3 NO PUGGLES until we get seat covers, and the divider. (so they won't jump up into the front seats - they love doing that. ) When we drove it off the lot, there were 13 miles on our new car. And driving it home from Lafayette put some miles on it, running errands in Kokomo, and going to the Walton Freeze really put some miles on it. I can't believe it's in the 100's already! It takes NO time at all to add on the miles. Enough of the story, here is our new car!

Great Grandma's Tea

Great Grandma Jewell was a beautiful woman. Strong. Independent.
She had a heart that you don't find very often these days. Great Grandma Jewell lived in California, and I grew up here in Indiana, so I never really got to know her that well. We had phone conversations that brought us together, or as together as we could be. I was able to visit her twice in my life. Once right after I graduated H.S. in 2002 and once in 2007, when she turned 90 years old. I was so thrilled to sit by her side, and listen to her talk. I didn't care that she had Alzheimer's, and usually asked the same questions several times, I felt a strange connection to her. A woman I hardly know, but her blood runs through my veins. She is the woman I was named after. She is the Mother of the Mother of my Mother. My Great Grandmother went through so much in her 92 years. She was a wife, a Mother of 3, a Grandmother, and a Great Grandmother. She went through jobs, then owned a business. At the end of her life, she was living in her own home, with her two loves (chihuahuas) and her son.

A couple weeks ago, I stayed with my Grandmother. She sat me down and told me, did not ask me, to take the Silver Tea set. When my Grandmother explained to me that this was Great Grandmas Tea set, I did not argue. I have in my house a piece of her now. I beautiful set that I can show off, and a pass down to my children some day. I am blessed to have known her. Even if I didn't know her well, she is my Great Grandmother. I love her. I miss her.

He Loves Me

Summer 2011 has been something else. It's been busy with a new job. Driving to and from Indy to work in a call center. It sounds crazy, and I will be the first to admit that it is, but... sometimes to get what you want, you have to make some sacrifices. Working at BV, I was working every single weekend, and just about EVERY holiday. Jeff and I only got to see each other on weekends, since I worked 2nd shift, and he works 1st shift, and even then, it was only half a weekend day at a time. I missed my husband. So, driving to and from Indy Mon=Fri (even with gas prices at $4.20) worked for us so that I could be home most evenings, all weekends, and holidays. I am now actually able to work from home. My office is in my house. I just walk to the spare room and work 8 hours a day. (that's a blog waiting to happen) It has been amazing. Actually planning things with friends on weekends and family dinners. It's the small things that add up when you miss them all the time. I have actually taken the puggles to the Dog Park a couple times this summer, and we plan on going to Pooches at the Pool at Kokomo Beach at the end of August. (I'm sure that'll be something to blog about as well!) I have also been trying to grow a garden. That's something to laugh at! I don't know why, but the only thing (Besides weeds) that I can grow are peppers and sunflowers. My sunflowers are BEAUTIFUL! So many sizes and colors. Now that I am working from home I go out to the garden, cut my own home grown sunflowers, and put them on my desk. I love it. I feel blessed ever time I look at them. One of my sunflowers began to wilt, so I started plucking each petal one by one, and of course saying "He loves me, He loves me not". I got down to the last petal, and guess what... HE LOVES ME. He is just amazing. A hard working man. I look forward every day when he comes home at 4pm. (I can hardly wait to get off work at 5pm) It is a blessing to be his wife. "He loves me, and I love him".

My 100 Day Challenge

As a woman with PCOS, I read blogs, about PCOS. Makes sense right? Well, I stumbled upon a blog that has helped me out. I've mentioned this blog before. The other night, I was reading her blog, and she posted that she was starting a new challenge for herself. She decided that she was going to go 100 Days Soda Free. I've quit soda (pop as I like to call it) before, and know that I am capable of doing it again. I'll be starting a weigh loss challenge here real soon with other woman with PCOS. With this challenge, it is best to cut out all pop, carbs, sugars, fried foods, processed foods. SO, what CAN I eat? Well, meat, and above ground veggies are the best. Add some protein in (with shakes and such) and you have yourself a PCOS diet. *shutter* I really feel restricted while on this diet, and I doubt it is something I can do for the rest of my life. I do feel like keeping up with this diet is a good and healthy choice for me, but I'll need my cheat days. If you are a woman with PCOS, and think a weight loss challenge sounds like something you would be interested in, go to this blog and read about it. I have made the choice to do this, since it seems to be very much like the strict diet I was on last winter. I did lose 35 lbs, however I did not keep it off. I will try to lose weight, and try HARDER to keep it off this time. I have to do this for me, and my children. So, back to the point of this post, I am starting 100 Days Soda Free. I started on March 1, and the 100th day will be the day after my birthday, June 8th, 2011. If you would like to join this challenge you are welcome to. :)

Roller Coaster of Emotions

Well today was a crazy day for my emotions. I started the day being anxious about the appointment. I wasn't sure if insurance would cover today's ultrasound, and well, just then entire situation just gets me anxious. Then I get there, and talk to the Nurse. She made me feel real good by the end of the appointment. She answered all the questions I had, and didn't make me feel crazy. (I usually feel like the Dr. is judging me in some way or another) By the time I went to check out, they told me I owed $275. Um... WHAT?! There was miscommunication about what type of ultrasound I had today, and they were going to make me pay for it. Turns out, my ultrasound wasn't a 'cycle ultrasound', so it was able to be filed on insurance. YAY! The lady at the front desk said, ''I'm sorry, and don't ever let me get your blood pressure up like that again." LOL I walk out of that appointment feeling great. I had some answers, and a plan. Well, later that day, I got a call back from Nurse Lisa, and the news she had for me is NOT what I thought was coming. First she said, yes, my Estrogen is low, and that I pretty much knew was coming. Then she said that my Doctor had a different plan. He wanted me to start birth control pills (of all things) and then I"ll start my other med to induce ovulation. I am not sure, but the sound of the birth control flipped the switch. I lost it! I cried until my eyes burned with makeup, and I almost got a headache. When Jeff got home, I lost it again, and he was able to talk to me, and say the words that only my husband can say to make me feel better. One good thing about an emotional crash, I feel so much better. I feel like I just needed to let it out, like it built up until it was too much to hold.
Here is a picture of my ovaries. The top picture is my uterus, nothing special, they just measured the lining. (it looks like a bunch of NOTHING) The middle picture is my Left ovary, and it's the 'blob' in the picture, and all the black spotty things on that blob are my cysts. The bottom picture is my Right ovary, and same thing, the spotty things on the blog are my cysts. (the Right ovary is harder to see.)

1st round...

It has been a very emotional two weeks for me. I've been up and down like I've been on a roller coaster, and I don't much care for it. I got a shot in my behind on Valentines Day, and it was to induce a cycle withing 7-14 days. Today was day 14, and no such luck. I called my Dr. and they want me to come in for an ultrasound and blood test to check my estrogen and my lining. I am hoping for some answers, but if I have to try the medication again, I'm gonna have to wait a few weeks. I have a big change in my life happening, that I'll announce publicly later, but for now, the 2nd round might just have to wait for about 4 weeks.

With all this happening, the stress of my job, and my personal (family) life, I'm more surprised I haven't had a break down yet. I am very thankful for the PCOS Support group I have found on facebook, blog, and YouTube. My new Cysters have been so supportive and informative. I have learned so many things, and have understood so much more. I now realize I am not alone in my fight. I know others that have PCOS, but all symptoms are different. I thought I as actually going crazy with anxiety, depression, and a few other things, but now, I've learned that they are all part of PCOS. (doesn't that sound lovely!) I've met some very beautiful women across the country, and I've joined a Weight Loss Challenge, for Women with PCOS only. I really can't put into words how blessed I feel to have stumbled upon this community. I'll post more later when I get some answers. Have a wonderful day!

I Would Die For That

This is a video I found while searching for PCOS support bands on Google. This song is how I feel. I'm really NOT a big fan of country music, but they seem to be the best at expressing emotion. I hope some day, I'll be able to hold up the sign saying that we're pregnant. Thanks for listening!

We're trying again.

I'm really bad at blogging. I'm sorry, and I'll try to be better. I'll just update you on what's been going on in the world of the Angus Fertility Journey.

Back in November, we went back to the Doctor and the Dr laid out a plan for us. He is only doing one step at a time for now. (For a reminder what happened, go back 2 entry's in this blog) So, yesterday, Valentines Day we met with the Dr. again. I was told to go back on that diet, so when I talked to the Dr. and told him I had only lost 12 lbs, I thought he's be upset, but to my surprise, he was happy for just 12 lbs, and told me to keep it up. He asked how aggressive I wanted to be with this. Hmmm.. LOL I'm pretty sure I'm aggressive to the point that I WANT TO HAVE A BABY! But there is one thing that stops us... a budget. So, we decided this would be our next step. (I hope this isn't TMI for you)

I got a shot in my behind, and that will cause me to have a period. (I haven't had a natural period on my own since September 2002) So, on day 1 of the period, I need to call the Dr, to set up an ultra sound on day 12. On day 3, I'll take a new med, that is not Clomid, but something like it. This med will tell my ovaries to ovulate. Then, I'll go to the ultrasound, and take a look at the ovaries to see if any follicles have been stimulated enough to be released. We've decided to do the ultrasound instead of Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPK) so we can actually see the results, and not get just a yes or no answer we would get from the OPK. With the results, we'll know if we can try for baby, or need to start over with the meds. Right now, I'm just waiting. I'm excited to see what my body will decide to do. I'm ready for Baby Angus to get here already!